Get your journals out, or open a fresh word document, or call a dear friend who you can get stuck into a meaningful conversation with. Below I’m sharing 43 ‘short’ questions that can have a ‘long’ and lasting impact on invasive problems.
What are invasive problems?
They’re the type that won’t go away, that seem to follow us around no matter we go or who we’re interacting with or what we’re doing. They get in the way of the life we hope for ourselves.
They’re the problems that have us responding to situations in ways we don’t like, or stop us from being our true selves, or block us from expressing something really important or stop us from making choices that kindly serve us best (and those around us).
Invasive problems interrupt the ways we would hope to act that we are sick and tired of.
Without further ado, here they are:
What would you call this problem?
How would you define it? Is there an image or a character/story that embodies this problem for you? What experiences do you have where this problem is most evident? Where and when does it REALLY rear it’s ugly head and prevent you from taking the actions you’d most like (or have you doing things you really hate)?…
Spend some time, drill down and see what comes out and up, then name the problem boldly and clearly for yourself.
Before the problem was operating in secret. Now it has been exposed. Named. It might not feel good, but it’s a positive development. Now it can be explored more deeply…
How does the problem get in the way of the life you want for yourself?
What does the problem talk you into about yourself?
What tricks does it use to keep you getting out from under it?
What conditions make it worse and what conditions help it fade?
What plans does this problem have for your life?
Where do you stand on these plans? Are you ok with those activities?
What would be your preferred outcome if the problem wasn’t making plans for your life?
If you were to liberate your life from the problem, what do you imagine that would feel like? What would a specific daily interaction look like without it?
Is there a movie or a book scene, or a time you remember that ‘looks’ like you imagine it might feel if you were to escape the influences of the problem? Really get luscious and evocative with this. Invite sensations to flow through you.
How do you respond when the problem rears it’s ugly head? How would you prefer to respond (in a you-centred way, not how someone else would or how someone else might tell you to respond)?
Without needing to ‘change’ yourself, what can you picture when you poke your head out from under it? Throw it off your shoulder for 5 minutes? What do you do, who are YOU in that moment without the shackles of the problem?
Is there someone who seems to live freely away from this problem? Someone you admire? In what way does knowing them/admiring them impact how you might approach the problem?
In what ways does knowing you contribute to this person’s life? Are there skills you have that are more easily recognised by this person? If you truly look at yourself through their eyes, do any of your skills become more freely available to you?
If you connect with these skills you have, what affect do they have on the next step you might take in managing this problem?
If you connect with the person you admire, can you channel some of them into your next steps in reclaiming your life back from the problem?
If you lean into a sense of your own worth or competence, does that have an impact on the problem? If so, how?
What does this tell you about what is important to you? What you most value?
If you are able to get a sense of what it might feel like if you weren’t overtaken by the problem, how do these burgeoning ideas/feelings support you in taking a next step (or a small shuffle if a step feels too big)?
How will you acknowledge these actions you are taking?
How will you notice them, commit them to memory, be pleased with them, record them in some way?
Who needs to be recruited into this new development? Into the ways you may be trying to do things without the pervasiveness of the problem? How will they bear witness and support your commitment?
What difference does it make to you to know that you CAN make some headway on the problem?
By knowing this, is it possible to ‘flourish’ as you move further away from the influences of the problem? Continue to acknowledge the steps you are taking? Formulate more steps along the path as you discover more about yourself?
What hopes for the future do these possibilities of living out from under the problem open up for you?
What can you now imagine?
What visions become more likely as you continue, slowly, forward…
*These questions have been adapted from ideas presented in Narrative Therapeutic Practices. If you’d like to know more about Narrative ideas, and if a narrative practitioner could be right for you, check this out or go to the Dulwich Centre website.
main image: Daniel McCullough 2nd image: Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash
Do you have any questions for Invasive Problems you might like to add to this list? Perhaps you can add them below in the comments.
If you liked this post, you might like this one on creatively using the interwebs as self-care, or perhaps others under the blog tab offering unique tips on getting ahead of problems in life. If so, I invite you to jump on the blog and get them delivered to your inbox once every 2 weeks or so. If you’re looking for a counsellor (or you think you might be, or you just want to say hi or ask a question) then please do reach out. I’d love to hear from you, no matter who you are or where you are or what problems get in the way of your preferred way of living.
Thank you Nicole for that. These questions seem really good as they can really help use define what this problem is – where it starts, where it stops and how we interact with it. Seeing it as having a personality of its own gives us new ways to grapple with the problem, and perhaps ways to learn to live with it as well. It humanises the problem, and that makes it relatable and real, and that seems like a big step towards eventual resolution.